I write because... I can. There are many people who are talented in speaking and people listen to you because you have a gift. I write because I lack the gift of speech but I have the gift of writing.
All of you who are following me on this journey know that I am being evicted. I have nothing to hide in this truth. I did not expect that my written words would cause me to be punished by my landlord. His words, "I read what you wrote on your GoFundMe post. Since you are so miserable in the house, I have been holding on to a certified letter that states I do not have to allow you the thirty days and can ask that you get your stuff and leave the house in three days."
I posted my situation on my GoFundMe page as an update. I have also posted this situation to my community sell site page because I am trying to sell all of my stuff to raise enough money to move. I feel helpless because I am not in the house. I do not have the keys to the house they are with the EPA people and because of the heat wave, I have been given the room for a few days until things cooled down. I am grateful to be in an air conditioned room but I am concerned for my things. I am concerned about what happens next. I spoke with a local police officer who informed me that my landlord had also called... I guess we are all searching for resolution. I was advised to go to the local city court and find out about my rights as a tenant in this unfortunate situation.
We are human beings. We believe in treating people in the same manner in which we would like to be treated. Writing about my experiences is painful but I share them with all of you because I realize that there are some people who are not able to write and have been through similar situations. I write because I can and I write in honor of those people who cannot.
Thank you for following along on my journey.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Grieving My Younger Self
I am grieving the younger me who never had the experiences that I am able to have today. The fears and uncertainties are very serious at age 48. If I were 24, these fears and uncertainties would seem trivial. I did not have opportunities to be trivial at 24 because I did not move out from my mom's house until I was 27 and even then I had been transferred from Memphis, TN to Charlotte, NC.
Finishing college and pursuing my career path is my dream come true. Being this close to the finish line is something I could only dream about in my younger years because I left college in the winter of 1986 after starting in the fall of 1985. My younger self has been wanting and wishing to return and finish what was once started. I am grateful for this opportunity and I support all who experience college in their later years, either for the first time or to make changes to their career path.
I think of the 24 year old me with nothing but the clothes on her back and a Nissan Sentra. How many days did she long to take a thousand dollars and ride off into the sunset, destination unknown... I sometimes sit and wonder if the 24 year old me could give the 48 year old me advice what would she say? For starters, I think she would say, "Go!!", "Stop looking back at the past and take the dogs, the clothes on your back, the red Jeep and just go!!" and "If this situation only affords you one thousand dollars, just go because wherever you go is where you will be and whatever you do will be something you know you can, everything else will just fall into place."
If life is truly too short to live it with regrets shouldn't we all be willing to seek advice from our younger selves and experience some of the things missed? Also, my younger self would give another piece of advice, "When you get older you will gain weight. Don't kill yourself trying to lose it...."
(smile)
Thank you for following along on my journey.
Finishing college and pursuing my career path is my dream come true. Being this close to the finish line is something I could only dream about in my younger years because I left college in the winter of 1986 after starting in the fall of 1985. My younger self has been wanting and wishing to return and finish what was once started. I am grateful for this opportunity and I support all who experience college in their later years, either for the first time or to make changes to their career path.
I think of the 24 year old me with nothing but the clothes on her back and a Nissan Sentra. How many days did she long to take a thousand dollars and ride off into the sunset, destination unknown... I sometimes sit and wonder if the 24 year old me could give the 48 year old me advice what would she say? For starters, I think she would say, "Go!!", "Stop looking back at the past and take the dogs, the clothes on your back, the red Jeep and just go!!" and "If this situation only affords you one thousand dollars, just go because wherever you go is where you will be and whatever you do will be something you know you can, everything else will just fall into place."
If life is truly too short to live it with regrets shouldn't we all be willing to seek advice from our younger selves and experience some of the things missed? Also, my younger self would give another piece of advice, "When you get older you will gain weight. Don't kill yourself trying to lose it...."
(smile)
Thank you for following along on my journey.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Everything that happens, happens for a reason...
Hello and thanks for all of your words of encouragement.
How often has someone said to us, "Everything that happens, happens for a reason." I hear these words a lot, lately. I think the sentiment is honest and is spoken to encourage us to keep our heads up. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia. I went to seven doctors, three of which were specialist, before getting this diagnosis. I remember that summer very well because it was my most painful. It was the summer I received my first written warning from my boss because my performance and quality had lowered, I had missed a lot of days from work and I had no idea what was happening to me. I will admit that I also felt sorry for my boss because she was extremely kind and did not want to reprimand me but had to do her job.
In the face of all of my pain and a new unknown diagnosis I was given the words, "Everything that happens, happens for a reason." The words came from an eighty year old woman. I met her as part of a support group suffering from my diagnosis. There were only three people listed in Nebraska and she was the only one I could reach. She had lived with trigeminal neuralgia for nearly half her life and she believed in those words and that this was happening to me for a reason. She told me not to look at it as a curse or a punishment from God. She admitted that it would slow me down a bit but that everyone she had met that had the diagnosis seemed to have a gift. She asked me what my gift was and all I could tell her was that I enjoyed writing. She told me to write and that when times got worse it would be writing that would carry me beyond the bad times into the good. If she were able to read my post, today, she would probably smile just remembering those words and that after several years I am writing.
I thought I would be writing about my characters that I have created and telling their stories. I never expected that my story would be the first one shared to anyone interested. However, "Everything that happens, happens for a reason." My diagnosis is one of the reasons I quit my job last year and moved from Omaha, Nebraska to Libby, Montana. I was experiencing some stresses with the new changes in health insurance and the weather was becoming a factor. I was getting to the point in which the pain would hit informing me that a storm was nearby, a cold breeze would caress my face and it would feel as if a frying pan hit me. I don't experience the pain up here; the storms aren't as intense and even the cold breezes seem to be kinder. I was able to lower my dosage of medication. I am able to finish college without having to deal with the pain and struggles of trying to read my assignments while experiencing an episode. It is the diagnosis that pushed me to pursue a career in writing. Living without the pain for the past year has been amazing. Trigeminal neuralgia is one of the reasons that I am able to smile in the face of such severe circumstances because my leap of faith gave me a year of remembering my life without the pain.
"Everything that happens, happens for a reason." Today, I am two weeks from being homeless. Next week I will get back into the house I rent and try to sell all of my stuff, which includes my limited edition iJoy chair. I worked a lot of overtime hours to purchase that chair and I have spent many wonderful massaging moments enjoying its comfort. The chair will be missed. I wonder what adventure will be waiting for me after the next two weeks and if life will begin to ease up. I hope so and I hope I will be able to share happier experiences with all of you who are following along with me as I experience this leg of my journey.
"Everything that happens, happens for a reason."
How often has someone said to us, "Everything that happens, happens for a reason." I hear these words a lot, lately. I think the sentiment is honest and is spoken to encourage us to keep our heads up. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia. I went to seven doctors, three of which were specialist, before getting this diagnosis. I remember that summer very well because it was my most painful. It was the summer I received my first written warning from my boss because my performance and quality had lowered, I had missed a lot of days from work and I had no idea what was happening to me. I will admit that I also felt sorry for my boss because she was extremely kind and did not want to reprimand me but had to do her job.
In the face of all of my pain and a new unknown diagnosis I was given the words, "Everything that happens, happens for a reason." The words came from an eighty year old woman. I met her as part of a support group suffering from my diagnosis. There were only three people listed in Nebraska and she was the only one I could reach. She had lived with trigeminal neuralgia for nearly half her life and she believed in those words and that this was happening to me for a reason. She told me not to look at it as a curse or a punishment from God. She admitted that it would slow me down a bit but that everyone she had met that had the diagnosis seemed to have a gift. She asked me what my gift was and all I could tell her was that I enjoyed writing. She told me to write and that when times got worse it would be writing that would carry me beyond the bad times into the good. If she were able to read my post, today, she would probably smile just remembering those words and that after several years I am writing.
I thought I would be writing about my characters that I have created and telling their stories. I never expected that my story would be the first one shared to anyone interested. However, "Everything that happens, happens for a reason." My diagnosis is one of the reasons I quit my job last year and moved from Omaha, Nebraska to Libby, Montana. I was experiencing some stresses with the new changes in health insurance and the weather was becoming a factor. I was getting to the point in which the pain would hit informing me that a storm was nearby, a cold breeze would caress my face and it would feel as if a frying pan hit me. I don't experience the pain up here; the storms aren't as intense and even the cold breezes seem to be kinder. I was able to lower my dosage of medication. I am able to finish college without having to deal with the pain and struggles of trying to read my assignments while experiencing an episode. It is the diagnosis that pushed me to pursue a career in writing. Living without the pain for the past year has been amazing. Trigeminal neuralgia is one of the reasons that I am able to smile in the face of such severe circumstances because my leap of faith gave me a year of remembering my life without the pain.
"Everything that happens, happens for a reason." Today, I am two weeks from being homeless. Next week I will get back into the house I rent and try to sell all of my stuff, which includes my limited edition iJoy chair. I worked a lot of overtime hours to purchase that chair and I have spent many wonderful massaging moments enjoying its comfort. The chair will be missed. I wonder what adventure will be waiting for me after the next two weeks and if life will begin to ease up. I hope so and I hope I will be able to share happier experiences with all of you who are following along with me as I experience this leg of my journey.
"Everything that happens, happens for a reason."
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Faith
Today's story is about faith and what it means to take that step or leap of faith.
I meet a lot of people and listen to a lot of stories. Faith is a topic that comes up in a lot of conversations. So I thought about what faith means to me...
I think we can all agree about the way we define the word faith as being something we cannot see and yet we believe. Websters dictionary says faith is a strong belief or trust in someone or something. Taking a leap of faith or that step of faith means having a strong belief that no matter what happens you will succeed in the path you are taking as long as you believe.
The marathon runner
His dream was to run a marathon. He has all of his friends and family there cheering him. The gun shot goes off, the marathon begins and he is off and running. He is proud to be running with the professionals and keeping their pace. Then he begins to slow down and it is only mile six. His breathing is inconsistent and his body feels heavy. A friend on the side yells, "It's okay if you have to stop", "It's not worth killing yourself over", "There's always next year." He hears these words from his friend and realizes that everything his friend is saying is true, he is tired and if he has to stop and quit, he can always try again at the next marathon why keep this up, today? He decides to give up the marathon and apologizes to his friends for coming out to support his effort that ended too soon. They all say they understand and everyone goes home. He goes home, slowly takes off the damp running gear and showers. His friends supported him and said they understood, however, he feels empty. He stands in the shower feeling a deep sense of loss not noticing the hot water has gone from hot to cold. He does his usual routine and at the end of the day grabs a cold beer and sits in front of his television to watch the local news. On the news is a story about a man who was the last one to cross the finish line. The man's friends are throwing him a tailgate party. The news reporter explains that he began the marathon running with the group of runners almost ten hours ago. They marvel at his courage to keep going explaining that there were moments in which he had to stop running and walked part of the way. When he had gathered strength he would begin to jog and then run, again. He kept doing this until finally he crossed the finish line. When the man was interviewed the reporter learned that he had twisted his ankle and still kept going in pain with only the finish line being his goal. The reporter asked him why he kept going and he said it was because he had faith that he could finish and everything would be okay once he crossed the finish line. His friends cheered and though many admitted to leaving the marathon they still returned to celebrate his courageous run and the fact that he finished.
Faith is what keeps a person going forward with the goal of reaching the finish line. Faith is what encourages a person to keep going even when everyone else is saying it's okay to quit. Faith is the friend that supports you and will be there at the finish line ready to celebrate your success. Faith is not simple, it will hurt and there will be moments that seem unbearable but the reward is in knowing that you believed in yourself and had the faith to keep going and not to give up.
My journey is about faith and today, things may seem unbearable, scary and hard but I am a fighter, an adventurer and passionate about my path. I don't believe in quitting on faith.
Thank you for following along on my journey.
Kendra
gofundme.com/3k5w4g8tg
I meet a lot of people and listen to a lot of stories. Faith is a topic that comes up in a lot of conversations. So I thought about what faith means to me...
I think we can all agree about the way we define the word faith as being something we cannot see and yet we believe. Websters dictionary says faith is a strong belief or trust in someone or something. Taking a leap of faith or that step of faith means having a strong belief that no matter what happens you will succeed in the path you are taking as long as you believe.
The marathon runner
His dream was to run a marathon. He has all of his friends and family there cheering him. The gun shot goes off, the marathon begins and he is off and running. He is proud to be running with the professionals and keeping their pace. Then he begins to slow down and it is only mile six. His breathing is inconsistent and his body feels heavy. A friend on the side yells, "It's okay if you have to stop", "It's not worth killing yourself over", "There's always next year." He hears these words from his friend and realizes that everything his friend is saying is true, he is tired and if he has to stop and quit, he can always try again at the next marathon why keep this up, today? He decides to give up the marathon and apologizes to his friends for coming out to support his effort that ended too soon. They all say they understand and everyone goes home. He goes home, slowly takes off the damp running gear and showers. His friends supported him and said they understood, however, he feels empty. He stands in the shower feeling a deep sense of loss not noticing the hot water has gone from hot to cold. He does his usual routine and at the end of the day grabs a cold beer and sits in front of his television to watch the local news. On the news is a story about a man who was the last one to cross the finish line. The man's friends are throwing him a tailgate party. The news reporter explains that he began the marathon running with the group of runners almost ten hours ago. They marvel at his courage to keep going explaining that there were moments in which he had to stop running and walked part of the way. When he had gathered strength he would begin to jog and then run, again. He kept doing this until finally he crossed the finish line. When the man was interviewed the reporter learned that he had twisted his ankle and still kept going in pain with only the finish line being his goal. The reporter asked him why he kept going and he said it was because he had faith that he could finish and everything would be okay once he crossed the finish line. His friends cheered and though many admitted to leaving the marathon they still returned to celebrate his courageous run and the fact that he finished.
Faith is what keeps a person going forward with the goal of reaching the finish line. Faith is what encourages a person to keep going even when everyone else is saying it's okay to quit. Faith is the friend that supports you and will be there at the finish line ready to celebrate your success. Faith is not simple, it will hurt and there will be moments that seem unbearable but the reward is in knowing that you believed in yourself and had the faith to keep going and not to give up.
My journey is about faith and today, things may seem unbearable, scary and hard but I am a fighter, an adventurer and passionate about my path. I don't believe in quitting on faith.
Thank you for following along on my journey.
Kendra
gofundme.com/3k5w4g8tg
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Kindness and Sadness...
My story today is a short one. There have been times in the past in which I would drive through a town and see, what I conceived of being, a homeless person. Many times I have wondered how that person got to that place. No one ever intends to be homeless....
This morning, I woke exceptionally early and walked my dogs until we reached the Teddy Roosevelt bridge that challenged me, yesterday. The walk was a nice change and got me outside of the room. Then I turned and realized how far I had walked and had to walk back. My smallest dog, Kaia, was tired of walking by the time we were halfway back to the inn. When I returned to the inn the family who were staying in the room next to mine were packing up their things. I thought everything was good for them and that they could go home. Then I realized they too were homeless. They were leaving the inn because no one had afforded them another night's stay. I became heartbroken. They have known about my story and how I got to the place where I am today, but I did not know their story. I felt helpless and cried for them because I had no money to offer. This was different than the "me" who would have given them what money I had to help or paid for another night's stay. I ran into my room and gave them 2 packages of the Korean noodles that I enjoy eating. It was all I could offer. The couple were happy for just my little offering of kindness. Their little girl gave me pictures she had colored and deep inside while smiling to their little girl I was slowly losing it because no kid should have to be homeless and yet she was happy. I tried to hide my tears but the little girl caught me and gave me some of her crayons and a couple of pages from her coloring book to color. Even now writing this I cry for that family, myself and the many others who have fallen into this situation. I write while crying wondering about their stories and how might I help to give a voice to this terrible moment that for many will pass never to be forgotten.
Today, I want to smile and not cry. I want to talk about the kindness of others. So, I traced my journey to Montana and remember the people at the UPS in Sioux City who helped me ship a Jeep load of stuff to the house I rent so that the dogs would have more room to stretch out. I think about the amazing people I met in Billings at Cracker Barrel who were from Libby, Montana and told me about the pure amazing beauty of this small town. I think about my incredible neighbor who threw me a birthday party, listens to me when I need a friend to talk to and makes me laugh, often at myself, but always with a cup of coffee from her deck. I think about other neighbors who have a fun garden and the lettuce they shared with me. I later learned about the yellow spiders, so I haven't had any lettuce, since. I think about the innkeepers here at Lake Creek Inn and the fresh produce they give me while I stay here and the $20 dollars they gave me, yesterday. I think about all of my friends I left in Omaha who believed in me and this amazing and yet crazy idea of reaching for what I believe is my right path. I am blessed and amazed at their constant emotional support and wishes to see me succeed. They give me energy because they believe this situation is just a small transition from one step of faith to the next step until I have reached my purpose. This morning I spoke to one of my friends. I could not believe the level of kindness that she and others are attempting. They want to help in the largest of ways. I did not have to ask because they are volunteering and as much as I love each of them, it makes me sad that they are helping me because I have never expected my friends to do any more than to smile, pray and believe that I will survive this moment succeeding to my next.
In closing, I want to thank all who are following me on this journey. I want to ask that you continue to smile and laugh, pray not just for me but for others like me so that your words of kindness may reach God and he will protect us from this moment to our next.
Kendra
gofundme.com/3k5w4g8tg
This morning, I woke exceptionally early and walked my dogs until we reached the Teddy Roosevelt bridge that challenged me, yesterday. The walk was a nice change and got me outside of the room. Then I turned and realized how far I had walked and had to walk back. My smallest dog, Kaia, was tired of walking by the time we were halfway back to the inn. When I returned to the inn the family who were staying in the room next to mine were packing up their things. I thought everything was good for them and that they could go home. Then I realized they too were homeless. They were leaving the inn because no one had afforded them another night's stay. I became heartbroken. They have known about my story and how I got to the place where I am today, but I did not know their story. I felt helpless and cried for them because I had no money to offer. This was different than the "me" who would have given them what money I had to help or paid for another night's stay. I ran into my room and gave them 2 packages of the Korean noodles that I enjoy eating. It was all I could offer. The couple were happy for just my little offering of kindness. Their little girl gave me pictures she had colored and deep inside while smiling to their little girl I was slowly losing it because no kid should have to be homeless and yet she was happy. I tried to hide my tears but the little girl caught me and gave me some of her crayons and a couple of pages from her coloring book to color. Even now writing this I cry for that family, myself and the many others who have fallen into this situation. I write while crying wondering about their stories and how might I help to give a voice to this terrible moment that for many will pass never to be forgotten.
Today, I want to smile and not cry. I want to talk about the kindness of others. So, I traced my journey to Montana and remember the people at the UPS in Sioux City who helped me ship a Jeep load of stuff to the house I rent so that the dogs would have more room to stretch out. I think about the amazing people I met in Billings at Cracker Barrel who were from Libby, Montana and told me about the pure amazing beauty of this small town. I think about my incredible neighbor who threw me a birthday party, listens to me when I need a friend to talk to and makes me laugh, often at myself, but always with a cup of coffee from her deck. I think about other neighbors who have a fun garden and the lettuce they shared with me. I later learned about the yellow spiders, so I haven't had any lettuce, since. I think about the innkeepers here at Lake Creek Inn and the fresh produce they give me while I stay here and the $20 dollars they gave me, yesterday. I think about all of my friends I left in Omaha who believed in me and this amazing and yet crazy idea of reaching for what I believe is my right path. I am blessed and amazed at their constant emotional support and wishes to see me succeed. They give me energy because they believe this situation is just a small transition from one step of faith to the next step until I have reached my purpose. This morning I spoke to one of my friends. I could not believe the level of kindness that she and others are attempting. They want to help in the largest of ways. I did not have to ask because they are volunteering and as much as I love each of them, it makes me sad that they are helping me because I have never expected my friends to do any more than to smile, pray and believe that I will survive this moment succeeding to my next.
In closing, I want to thank all who are following me on this journey. I want to ask that you continue to smile and laugh, pray not just for me but for others like me so that your words of kindness may reach God and he will protect us from this moment to our next.
Kendra
gofundme.com/3k5w4g8tg
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
This Story is too Bizarre to be Made Up...
This morning I woke to a bill collector's call. I explained my situation to her as I have had to explain to many other bill collectors. This one was different, she has been the only one to state that my story is "too bizarre" to be made up and yet she went on to ask me when I could pay my debt..... I felt she was a bit too aggressive but bill collectors are hired to collect money from people regardless of their financial situations. This call upset me because it made me feel helpless. I could not answer any of her questions because I have no answers and I do not want to lie and pretend that I know anything outside of my current situation.
I cried. I do that a lot because I am accustomed to knowing my next move, as if playing chess, but it is difficult to see beyond this moment. So to calm myself I grabbed dog leashes and walked Kaia and Atreju. They have been amazing dogs during this "bizarre" time of my life. I walked them and cried and then to make me feel worse I had one of my trigeminal neuralgia episodes. The pain was so severe that it made the silent tears flow heavier. I don't dare write things could not get worse because I have said that so many times that....... things have.... I was able to finish the walk, in pain, and then I received another call this time from the EPA rep stating that there is a problem with me staying at the inn on the 25th. They will try to get me a room in Libby but could I speak with the innkeeper to see if they can work something out? I went to the innkeeper and I must have looked terrible because he was able to work out the room and then he went into his pocket and handed me a crisp twenty dollar bill. Once again, I cried because not having money is one thing but the kindness of strangers during this time of need is overwhelming. He explained to me that being in my room must feel like being in prison. I explained that being in the house I was renting felt the same way and that I have been trying to get paroled or find a way to escape. The innkeeper suggested I get out and enjoy nature.
By now many of you are probably confused about why I am in an inn and why the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) is involved in my story. It's all about the house I rent. Libby, Montana is known as the asbestos capital of the United States. When I moved here, I asked the owners if there were any dangers in the house that I needed to be worried about and they assured me that they had lived in the house for many years and were perfectly fine. They also told me the house was safe. A couple of months ago, the EPA rep came to the house explaining they had to clean the house and its yards of asbestos. They would place me in a hotel during this time. I am on my second week and the machines to clean the house have been running all day and night. I am not sure how long I will be in hotels but my landlord wants me and my things out of the house by August 7.
I took the innkeepers advice and got out of the room and took the dogs to enjoy nature. The dogs and I decided to take a nature hike on a nearby trail. It was fun and funny.... Atreju was walking me and I was dragging Kaia. Kaia and I tend to prefer concrete because we have both suffered the wrath of nature. She and I both have been stung by bees, wasps and hornets....OUCH!! Nature hikes make me jump at everything and it makes Kaia become a statue. Atreju loves getting out in nature. After being dragged down a path it began to narrow and ended. I stood there between both dogs and laughed because it made me think about my life's situation. I turned around to hike back to my Jeep and the hike was all uphill and not as simple as the hike down the path. I secured the dogs back into the Jeep and decided to take a road trip through the park. There was an old wooden bridge that crossed the river, I decided to drive across the bridge and it was kind of scary but I made it across. Then in my new moment of courage I decided to drive an unknown road to see where it would take me. This road was one of those winding roads that went up a hill and became very narrow. There were moments in which I could not see ground from the left side window. All I could see was tall trees and nothing beneath them. There were moments in which I stopped to catch my breath because the road kept getting narrow and yet was still climbing. I was afraid of what could happen if I were to encounter a rock slide, deer, fallen tree or an approaching car. I thanked God I did not have to encounter anything accept for my fear of driving into the unknown. It was too late for me to turn around and I had to stay courageous and continue to drive forward. Like my leap of faith, I had to believe that if I kept on this path I would reach the end and everything would be okay. The road was not fully paved, there were times in which there was a lot of loose gravel and the Jeep would feel as if it was swerving. I would stop catch my breath and continue the journey. Eventually, I was driving on pavement and back at the bridge that had started this adventure.
I learned a lot while driving up that hill. First, faith is like that drive. Taking the leap is not easy and there are moments in which facing the unknown is certain and keeping the faith means, to me, continuing to go forward especially when feeling pressured to turn back in fear. There is a moment in faith in which turning back is not an option and taking the next step into the unknown is the only thing.
Thank you for being a part of my journey so far.
gofundme.com/3k5w4g8tg
I cried. I do that a lot because I am accustomed to knowing my next move, as if playing chess, but it is difficult to see beyond this moment. So to calm myself I grabbed dog leashes and walked Kaia and Atreju. They have been amazing dogs during this "bizarre" time of my life. I walked them and cried and then to make me feel worse I had one of my trigeminal neuralgia episodes. The pain was so severe that it made the silent tears flow heavier. I don't dare write things could not get worse because I have said that so many times that....... things have.... I was able to finish the walk, in pain, and then I received another call this time from the EPA rep stating that there is a problem with me staying at the inn on the 25th. They will try to get me a room in Libby but could I speak with the innkeeper to see if they can work something out? I went to the innkeeper and I must have looked terrible because he was able to work out the room and then he went into his pocket and handed me a crisp twenty dollar bill. Once again, I cried because not having money is one thing but the kindness of strangers during this time of need is overwhelming. He explained to me that being in my room must feel like being in prison. I explained that being in the house I was renting felt the same way and that I have been trying to get paroled or find a way to escape. The innkeeper suggested I get out and enjoy nature.
By now many of you are probably confused about why I am in an inn and why the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) is involved in my story. It's all about the house I rent. Libby, Montana is known as the asbestos capital of the United States. When I moved here, I asked the owners if there were any dangers in the house that I needed to be worried about and they assured me that they had lived in the house for many years and were perfectly fine. They also told me the house was safe. A couple of months ago, the EPA rep came to the house explaining they had to clean the house and its yards of asbestos. They would place me in a hotel during this time. I am on my second week and the machines to clean the house have been running all day and night. I am not sure how long I will be in hotels but my landlord wants me and my things out of the house by August 7.
I took the innkeepers advice and got out of the room and took the dogs to enjoy nature. The dogs and I decided to take a nature hike on a nearby trail. It was fun and funny.... Atreju was walking me and I was dragging Kaia. Kaia and I tend to prefer concrete because we have both suffered the wrath of nature. She and I both have been stung by bees, wasps and hornets....OUCH!! Nature hikes make me jump at everything and it makes Kaia become a statue. Atreju loves getting out in nature. After being dragged down a path it began to narrow and ended. I stood there between both dogs and laughed because it made me think about my life's situation. I turned around to hike back to my Jeep and the hike was all uphill and not as simple as the hike down the path. I secured the dogs back into the Jeep and decided to take a road trip through the park. There was an old wooden bridge that crossed the river, I decided to drive across the bridge and it was kind of scary but I made it across. Then in my new moment of courage I decided to drive an unknown road to see where it would take me. This road was one of those winding roads that went up a hill and became very narrow. There were moments in which I could not see ground from the left side window. All I could see was tall trees and nothing beneath them. There were moments in which I stopped to catch my breath because the road kept getting narrow and yet was still climbing. I was afraid of what could happen if I were to encounter a rock slide, deer, fallen tree or an approaching car. I thanked God I did not have to encounter anything accept for my fear of driving into the unknown. It was too late for me to turn around and I had to stay courageous and continue to drive forward. Like my leap of faith, I had to believe that if I kept on this path I would reach the end and everything would be okay. The road was not fully paved, there were times in which there was a lot of loose gravel and the Jeep would feel as if it was swerving. I would stop catch my breath and continue the journey. Eventually, I was driving on pavement and back at the bridge that had started this adventure.
I learned a lot while driving up that hill. First, faith is like that drive. Taking the leap is not easy and there are moments in which facing the unknown is certain and keeping the faith means, to me, continuing to go forward especially when feeling pressured to turn back in fear. There is a moment in faith in which turning back is not an option and taking the next step into the unknown is the only thing.
Thank you for being a part of my journey so far.
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Tuesday, July 21, 2015
In Response to Your Request, No
"In response to your request, no."
These words still echo in my heart and yet I must move on forgetting the words and the one who decided to text them...
How did I get to those words?
Last year I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue my career in writing while finishing college. I quit my job of 12 years and cashed in all of my savings and drove with my two dogs to Libby, Montana. I rented a quaint little house that was surprisingly uncomfortable from day one but what could I do when no other place was willing to rent to a person with two dogs. The house was colder inside than it was outside and this was during late summer. The coldness did not go away and greeted me with breath vapor each morning of fall, winter and spring. This coldness was a new experience for me. So much so, that I was not able to write; my hands were constantly cold and typing with gloves proved difficult.
I managed at best and met remarkable people. Libby is a very friendly little town with a lot of interesting history. However, I don't want to bore you with details on my first blog post. Today, I want to concentrate on the words, "In response to your request, no." Today, I am out of money. I ran out a couple of months ago. The house was cold and I spent a lot of money trying to keep myself warm. Not to forget, I replaced their toilet with a standard size toilet. Theirs was the size of a child's toilet. There were many other purchases I made to make the house a bit comfortable for me. Money had been spent for unexpected expenses. So, when times got unbearable I did the one thing most people would do and that was to contact my dad and explain my serious situation. I explained to him that I was out of money and was facing eviction and losing everything. I asked my dad for help nothing too much, just enough to afford my rent and move me to another city where I could find work, $2,500. I had previously asked my dad to invest in my writing career because I wanted to set up a website and logo and he sent $1,000. Not enough to get started but it came in handy when I needed rent. So, I will have to admit asking him for help after receiving the little investment amount was painful. However, with the words of need and desperation imagine my shock when my dad sent me a text message that read, "In response to your request, no."
This is where my story begins.....
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