This morning I woke to a bill collector's call. I explained my situation to her as I have had to explain to many other bill collectors. This one was different, she has been the only one to state that my story is "too bizarre" to be made up and yet she went on to ask me when I could pay my debt..... I felt she was a bit too aggressive but bill collectors are hired to collect money from people regardless of their financial situations. This call upset me because it made me feel helpless. I could not answer any of her questions because I have no answers and I do not want to lie and pretend that I know anything outside of my current situation.
I cried. I do that a lot because I am accustomed to knowing my next move, as if playing chess, but it is difficult to see beyond this moment. So to calm myself I grabbed dog leashes and walked Kaia and Atreju. They have been amazing dogs during this "bizarre" time of my life. I walked them and cried and then to make me feel worse I had one of my trigeminal neuralgia episodes. The pain was so severe that it made the silent tears flow heavier. I don't dare write things could not get worse because I have said that so many times that....... things have.... I was able to finish the walk, in pain, and then I received another call this time from the EPA rep stating that there is a problem with me staying at the inn on the 25th. They will try to get me a room in Libby but could I speak with the innkeeper to see if they can work something out? I went to the innkeeper and I must have looked terrible because he was able to work out the room and then he went into his pocket and handed me a crisp twenty dollar bill. Once again, I cried because not having money is one thing but the kindness of strangers during this time of need is overwhelming. He explained to me that being in my room must feel like being in prison. I explained that being in the house I was renting felt the same way and that I have been trying to get paroled or find a way to escape. The innkeeper suggested I get out and enjoy nature.
By now many of you are probably confused about why I am in an inn and why the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) is involved in my story. It's all about the house I rent. Libby, Montana is known as the asbestos capital of the United States. When I moved here, I asked the owners if there were any dangers in the house that I needed to be worried about and they assured me that they had lived in the house for many years and were perfectly fine. They also told me the house was safe. A couple of months ago, the EPA rep came to the house explaining they had to clean the house and its yards of asbestos. They would place me in a hotel during this time. I am on my second week and the machines to clean the house have been running all day and night. I am not sure how long I will be in hotels but my landlord wants me and my things out of the house by August 7.
I took the innkeepers advice and got out of the room and took the dogs to enjoy nature. The dogs and I decided to take a nature hike on a nearby trail. It was fun and funny.... Atreju was walking me and I was dragging Kaia. Kaia and I tend to prefer concrete because we have both suffered the wrath of nature. She and I both have been stung by bees, wasps and hornets....OUCH!! Nature hikes make me jump at everything and it makes Kaia become a statue. Atreju loves getting out in nature. After being dragged down a path it began to narrow and ended. I stood there between both dogs and laughed because it made me think about my life's situation. I turned around to hike back to my Jeep and the hike was all uphill and not as simple as the hike down the path. I secured the dogs back into the Jeep and decided to take a road trip through the park. There was an old wooden bridge that crossed the river, I decided to drive across the bridge and it was kind of scary but I made it across. Then in my new moment of courage I decided to drive an unknown road to see where it would take me. This road was one of those winding roads that went up a hill and became very narrow. There were moments in which I could not see ground from the left side window. All I could see was tall trees and nothing beneath them. There were moments in which I stopped to catch my breath because the road kept getting narrow and yet was still climbing. I was afraid of what could happen if I were to encounter a rock slide, deer, fallen tree or an approaching car. I thanked God I did not have to encounter anything accept for my fear of driving into the unknown. It was too late for me to turn around and I had to stay courageous and continue to drive forward. Like my leap of faith, I had to believe that if I kept on this path I would reach the end and everything would be okay. The road was not fully paved, there were times in which there was a lot of loose gravel and the Jeep would feel as if it was swerving. I would stop catch my breath and continue the journey. Eventually, I was driving on pavement and back at the bridge that had started this adventure.
I learned a lot while driving up that hill. First, faith is like that drive. Taking the leap is not easy and there are moments in which facing the unknown is certain and keeping the faith means, to me, continuing to go forward especially when feeling pressured to turn back in fear. There is a moment in faith in which turning back is not an option and taking the next step into the unknown is the only thing.
Thank you for being a part of my journey so far.
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